Less Jaded and Tied by a Thread

Our whole lives whether we are aware or not, we are formulating our own thoughts on love. When are we in it, what does love feel like, how do you know? Is love real? These are all things we are processing information on in everyday actions from the time we are born, because it is a basic, primal emotion that is necessary for nurturing, growth and evolution.

Babies who are not held develop less brain cells than babies that are touched and cuddled. We come out of the womb requiring love to survive and develop to our maximum capacity. When we are children we have the love of our parents and how they raise us shapes our impressions on love. We also observe our parents relationship and that guides us whether we mean to or not as we embark on our own romantic tales.

Our subconscious picks up thoughts and signals about love throughout our young lives and then we store it away, building a framework for how we believe love will be. In some cases, this is fantastic and love is the way we think it may be as children. Simple love, were two just look at each other and just know, and smiles light reach from their lips to their eyes and there is no turning back.

However; love is more than just smiles, it has many facets and does not always look the same to all people. What I think love may be may differ drastically from what you think love may be, based on nurture or nature, based on culture, geography and familiar relations. As I evolve and change, I am beginning to realize, different does not equal less. I use to believe that because a man did not express himself the way I expected, that must mean he did not love me. Experiences as of late have led me to believe I have been mistaken.

Another hopeless romantic friend issued a statement pertaining to the fact that love only needed one thread to bind two hearts together. I think there is some truth to this statement. I have also read many places that love is not necessarily about finding the one you live for, but about finding the one you cannot live without. It’s all perception, what is love to us. Instead of looking at something head on, one dimensionally, you have to look at it from all angles.

I always thought love would be passionate, chaotic, can’t stand to be without the person for longer than a few hours, something that would feel like lightening when it hit me and I would absolutely knew I had met my love. Being a child of divorce, I grew up with no immediate examples of couple love in my presence these are ideas I developed from novels, poetry and movies. Which of course is not real, many poets had traumatic lives because they believed so much in the love they spoke of and could not find the same love in real life, they either married several times, took several lovers, wasted away, killed themselves or just lived miserable and alone. Some found happiness; those must have been the ones that could move on from these pre-conceived notions.

I use to write for hours on love as a teenager, before I had even experienced a burning passion; and as you can see, it is still my favourite topic. What I thought love would be like when I found it. Poetry is a lovely and romantic thing, some of the love mentioned in poetry may occur, and one notion found in poetry is true, Love is a treasure, a rare and splendid thing that deserves to be heralded. However, my thoughts as a child cannot guide me my entire live; I will never find satisfaction or happiness if this is how I waltz through life, constantly looking for my next burning passion. That is lust and in the end will only leave an empty hollow feeling.

The truth is, we cannot actually know what love is until we are already in it. Love depends on the two people who experience the emotion. Where they come from, what type of household they were raised in, their personal morals, culture and society where they flourished. When two come from very different backgrounds, they both will not view love the same. Such a simple thing really but a thought that never occurred to me until recently and I wonder, are there others that this thought never occurs to. Is that why we are so mired in times of fleeting love, separation, divorce and infidelity?

I know there is a thread that ties me, and honestly I am not even one hundred percent sure how it got there. Love can be quiet, tap you on the shoulder one day and walk in, capturing your heart in simple ways. I have foolishly tried to cut this thread in the past and only suffered. A good quiet person has simply been constant and I am starting to understand that silence can also be love. I don’t mean a grand passion; I don’t mean someone you have to be with every minute of the day. I mean someone you don’t want to be without, someone who brightens your day just with a few gestures or words, someone you would miss if they never spoke to you again; someone who makes you laugh and gives you a sense of comfort. Someone who could be your best friend and ideally someone you would like to meet some day, just to see if when you do meet, two smiles will light up two sets of eyes and your heart will race.

Only one thread is all that is needed, sometimes that thread is a strong friendship. Sometimes one is more stubborn than the other, and when two are stubborn, goodness! However, if one has enough patience and fortitude, love will eventually win out. Sometimes all that is required is that one stubborn person opens their eyes and realizes what is standing right in front of them, taking the hand that is offered.