Musings of the Temporarily Jaded

Rumbling thunderstorms linger in the distance, quite eloquent, matching the feelings in my own heart.

The expression it hurts to be smart, really is true.

It is hard when you realize your energies have been wasted and taken for granted by someone you trusted.

It is hard when you wonder where your friend went and who is this stranger sitting in front of you?

It is hard when someone tells you in actions or words that you are nothing to them, when for a long time they were everything to you.

It is hard when someone tries to take everything you possess from you, simply cause you will no longer hold them in your heart.

Life is pain. Get use to it.

This is a harsh line to take, but don’t worry, I won’t feel this way forever.

Relationships end and people grieve them in their own way.

When resolve does set in, do yourself a favour and do not look back wondering where you went wrong and if you had done this or done that would things have worked out better. The if’s will only kill you in the end. Everything happens for a reason, so it ends, they just weren’t meant for you.

After your brief mourning period and cynicism has passed, open your eyes to what’s around you and broaden your horizons. Expand your scope and have no expectations.

Love will find you.

Yes I am temporarily jaded regarding love, but I know it will pass, I know my own heart. Heart break and disappointment teach us all one thing; we are human and we feel. Those that do not suffer heart break or disappointment and can shrug off an ending like they are taking off a coat, well their heart is not capable of love.

When one loves truly, they are taking their heart and placing it in the care of another, trusting them to not harm and to cherish said heart, a person’s most precious commodity. If it does not hurt, it means, they never gave their heart. Oh but to suffer the pain of heart break can bring some joy as well. It is a revelation that you have deepness in your soul and much more to share and give if you were to meet someone with the same depth. To experience the pain of a broken heart informs the sad lover that yes, they are connected to themselves and humanity.

Emotional insensitivity is a tough wall to breach and will never be scaled by those who simply love with their whole heart. Emotionally insensitivity cannot be breached by love because it cannot see or recognize love or even know why this emotion is desired.

I have been told I am Emo, I have been told I am moody, melancholy and even erratic. I am not a woman to sit quietly in the corner and avoid confrontation. I was taught by the women in my life to fight passionately for what you want and believe and when it is said and done, embrace the one you love and let them know that even though you disagree, you still love them. However, it does not matter how passionate you feel when you are faced with disregard.

So I am saying to you, lead astray lovers, realize that you are better than that. You do deserve someone who will trust you enough to place their heart in your hands. You do deserve an opinion and a voice to use it and you do deserve to hear a response or answer. I am not saying that everything has to be your way or the highway because that is not love either.

According to the bible, this is love:

1 If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth* but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.1

2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.

3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;* but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.2

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages* and special knowledge will all disappear.3

9 Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little!

10 But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.

11 It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.* All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.4

13 There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

Some of you may not particularly enjoy my choice of reference, however it illustrates my point. Love is the only eternal thing. If you have not truly loved and received true love in return then a relationship must end. We are all deserving of the one person who will be the one to love you to the grave and beyond. We all deserve to have that person who will hold our hand when needed or simply when we are old and gray and sitting together quietly.

Remember, when you suffer disappointment and heartbreak you are not alone or without love. Look around you, your friend’s love you and they are the ones who will counsel you and care for you until you can walk on your own. We all need someone to lean on from time to time and I thank all of my good friends that have been my crutch. Don’t forget me when you need someone to lean on.